Missed Fists: Matous Kaluba breaks out Nate Diaz, Conor McGregor impressions in all-time stinker

Welcome to the latest edition of Missed Fists where we shine a light on fights from across the globe that may have been overlooked in these hectic times where it seems like there’s an MMA show every other day.

I pride myself on being able to avoid certain things on social media, like if there’s a celebrity beef that I couldn’t possibly care about or one of those You won’t BELIEVE what this person was wearing stories. That’s true with MMA as well, especially when it comes to something like a gruesome injury.

However, in a business filled with human car wrecks, sometimes you can’t help but stop and stare and — unfortunately, in our case — shine a light on an atrocity that just must be seen.

At an aptly named Clash of the Stars event this past weekend, we witnessed combat in its most wretched form.

(Big thanks as always to @Barrelelapierna for their weekly lists of the best KOs and submissions, and to @Grabaka_Hitman for uploading many of the clips you see here. Give them a follow and chip in on Patreon if you can.)

Matous Kaluba vs. MaxGreen

When the great caposa — someone who has watched 99.99999 percent of every fight ever broadcast in history — is calling something “the worst MMA fight of all time” you know it had to be bad. And this one was baaaaaaaaaaaaad.

In what appeared to be a battle of two influencers (I use that term loosely given that from what I could find neither Matous Kaluba nor Jiri “MaxGreen” Janouch appear to have more than a few thousand followers across their various social media platforms), we saw 90 seconds of ridiculousness, with most of it being initiated by Kaluba, the eventual winner.

Credit to Kaluba for putting on an incredible impression of an actual fighter as he not only flicks out a few teeps (including one that ends the fight) but also switches stances and shows off his own version of the Stockton Slap (at least according to the commentators who definitely sneaked in a “Nate Diaz” call in there). There’s the obligatory Conor McGregor reference, of course, and also what appears to be a brief test of strength?

Kaluba unleashes a wicked overhand slap-backfist-overhand slap combo before hurting MaxGreen to the body earn a stoppage, which somehow feels like one of the loosest instances of “earn a stoppage” that I’ve ever had to write.

Hard to believe these two didn’t put on a classic given what was shown at their open workouts.

As always though, respect to both men for stepping into the cage.

Mahmoud Ahmed vs. Ammar Tareik

I admit it, it’s unfair that Mahmoud Ahmed wasn’t given our headlining spot this week as he locked up a spectacular submission at a Qadya MMA event in Giza.

Last week, Leonardo Casotti was our lead after he won with a calf slicer submission that I said could only be better if he transitioned “into a John Cena STF.” Ahmed actually did add on the facelock part and he’s still runner-up to a couple of social media characters. Pretty much a reflection of our current combat sports landscape, eh?

You can watch the full Qadya MMA event for free on YouTube.

Max Gandra vs. Bertin Descloux

If Ammar Tareik wanted to avoid getting submitted, maybe he could have consulted Max Gandra, who kept his opponent from taking the fight to the ground altogether by blasting him with an upkick.

Bertin Descloux ate all of that one. Charles Oliveira should have just done this to Islam Makhachev and he’d still be UFC champion. It’s so simple.

You can see more footage from the fight, which took place at a Gladiators Fight Night event in Brazil, courtesy of Gandra himself.

Tomas Laredo vs. Johnathan Kinsky
Rafael Calderon vs. Stefano Gennaro

Up next, we have a couple of Humpty Dumpty award candidates as Tomas Laredo and Rafael Calderon made sure that their opponents suffered great and awful falls.

From an Elevate Fighting Championship amateur event in Texas City, Texas:

From Way of Warriors FC 7 in Madrid (full fights available on YouTube):

I’m partial to Calderon’s delayed shutdown head kick, but you can’t go wrong either way.

Nicolas Bojaca vs. Anyisson Fernando Gaviria
Steven Martinez vs. Luis Enrique Pobre Bonilla
Nicolas Paez vs. Miguel Salgado

At a MatchMaker MMA event in Bogota, we had a trio of finishes that immediately bring the words “no mercy” to mind.

First, here’s this beautifully set up Superman punch-to-head kick combo by Nicolas Bojaca.

Second, Steven Martinez just erased Luis Enrique Pobre Bonilla with a head kick in the middle of a “let’s bang, bro” exchange.

And then there’s Nicolas Paez, who was lighting up Miguel Salgado to the point that he could have finished him with whatever he wanted.

He chose the most brutal of options.

Bogdan Grad vs. Tudor Dermenji
Shawn Da Silva vs. Darien Diego Hevia
Tomasz Langowski vs. Alef Carlos Silva
Luis Elias vs. Brandon Uruchurtu
Luis Escudero vs. Hugo Rubio

Log onto UFC Fight Pass and you can check out fighters at Cage Fight Series and Ultimate Warrior Challenge Mexico bringing the pain at an absurdly high level.

Austrian lightweight prospect Bogdan Grad shined in the Cage FS 12 main event, just demolishing Tudor Dermenji with a spin kick.

That’s five straight wins for the 10-1 Grad, with seven career victories by knockout.

Shawn Da Silva scored what was undoubtedly the scariest KO of the week as his flying knee forced officials to bring in a stretcher to carry out opponent Darien Diego Hevia.

Fortunately, Hevia appeared to confirm via social media that he was alright.

“Jajajajaa, I’m not dead, thanks for the concern, I’m fine, no injuries, no stroke, just part of this game, I’ll be back soon,” Hevia wrote. The man is made of sterner stuff.

Equally stern are the hands of Tomasz Langowski, who walked away with a 20-second scrubbing of Alef Carlos Silva.

In Tijuana, Luis Elias showed off the quickness and the slickness, Matrix dodging a head kick and then landing one of his own.

I believe “f****** sweet” is the technical term to describe a sequence like that.

Not so sweet was Luis Escudero’s seemingly illegal grounded kick finish of Hugo Rubio.

I say “seemingly” because as it turns out, “Pride” — yes, that is his nickname — was not disqualified and was in fact rewarded with a TKO win! It’s clear that the referee considered this a shot to the chest or shoulder, but it’s definitely questionable.

Here’s a closer look:

You be the judge.

And speaking of officials, we have to show Din Thomas some love for this hilarious send-up of veteran referee Herb Dean. Listen, Dean has won multiple World MMA Awards for his work so a few jibes at his expense won’t hurt him, especially when you consider some of the puzzling stoppage decisions that he’s made over the past few years.

Remember, MMA is supposed to be fun.

If you know of a recent fight or event that you think may have been overlooked, or a promotion that could use some attention, please let us know on Twitter — @AlexanderKLee — using the hashtag #MissedFists.